


Taught Me How to Be Someone

by threeturn



Series: tumblr fic [1]
Category: Drag Me Down (Music Video), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Music Video, Alternate Universe - Space, Crack, Other, Robots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 07:02:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7564708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/threeturn/pseuds/threeturn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Don’t fuck the robot,” says Louis. “Please Harry, don’t try to fuck the robot.”  </p>
<p>A <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jwgf3wmiA04"><i>Drag Me Down</i></a> music video fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Taught Me How to Be Someone

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [on my tumblr](http://valencing.tumblr.com/post/127254576312/taught-me-how-to-be-someone-harryrobot-1k), now migrating some of my shortest fics here for safekeeping.

“I have a question, please,” says Harry, after holding his hand in the air for five minutes without being called on. 

The robotics instructor sighs. “Yes, Mr. Styles?" 

"Is the robot, like, functional?” Harry makes a helpful gesture, but the instructor seems a bit slow on the uptake. 

“The robot is fully functional in all ways outlined in the detailed briefing I just provided." 

"Oh, I know!” says Harry quickly. “And you did such a good job, too, but I mean, like, functional…you know…sexually…" 

"Come on, Harry,” says Louis. “Liam’s already late for his bicycle." 

The instructor’s face is blank. "Robotic sexual function would have no primary research value for this mission." 

"But—" 

"You’re an idiot,” says Niall, squeezing Harry’s thigh. “Shut up, willya?”

“Just one more thing,” says Harry. “Does the robot at least—well—" 

"Spit it out, Harry,” says Liam, pulling his shirt off in preparation for his bicycle session.

Harry rips his eyes away from Liam’s chest and turns back to the instructor. “Does the robot have feelings?" 

There’s dead silence in the room, then the squeak of chairs as everyone at the briefing gets up to leave.

*

"Anyway,” Harry tells the robot a couple days later, “Niall was like _can i just see those purple boots real quick_ , and then the next thing I know, the boots are on his feet and he’s out the door and gone.”

The robot tilts its head.

"I know!” says Harry. “It’s fine though, I’m over it. He can take my boots and dance in the parking lot with them if that’s what makes him happy." 

He extends his arm, remembering to be educational. The robot extends its arm as well. Harry is so glad he was the one chosen to teach the robot typical human movement patterns and behavior. With Harry as a model, the robot will seem just like a normal person in no time. 

"It’s nice having you around, pal,” Harry says. “Everyone else is so busy these days. They’re always like, _can’t talk, too busy driving a planetary exploration vehicle_.” 

The robot extends its other arm. 

“Hey, good job!” says Harry. “You did that all by yourself!” 

The robot’s chin dips and rises. It’s totally a real nod. 

“I wish you had a vocal app,” says Harry. “I can tell we have a lot to talk about.” 

* 

Harry finds Liam cycling in front of a video camera, as usual. Apparently someone in the physio department keeps wanting more data on heart rate patterns in low gravity environments. 

“I’m teaching the robot so much,” Harry tells Liam. 

Liam slows down a bit. “I thought the robot was already fully programmed.”

"Definitely not,” says Harry. “Why are you still cycling? I thought they finished data collection last week.” 

“Yeah, I guess they lost the files or something,” Liam says, a drop of perspiration rolling over his collarbone. “The physio guy says we have to start over again from the beginning.” 

“Shame,” says Harry. 

Liam shrugs happily. “I don’t mind. It’s for science.” 

* 

Harry and the robot are sitting on the sofa. The robot’s limbs are glowing and faintly warm. 

“I was looking at the stars,” Harry explains, “and I thought, _which is larger, outer space or the galaxies inside my own soul?_ And that’s when I decided to become an astronaut.” 

The robot raises both hands in the air, fingers spotted with a rainbow of light. 

Harry leans his head sideways toward the robot. “I’ve been waiting my whole life for someone to listen to me the way you do.” The robot tilts its own head right back at Harry. 

“I can’t believe they think surviving in terran-unfriendly environments is all you’re good for,” Harry says. “Not that exploration isn’t super important! I just mean, like…you’re really cool. You know?” 

The robot doesn’t answer. But when Harry lets his head drop fully onto its white shoulder, he can hear a gentle hum. 

* 

Later Harry joins up with his crew in the dining hall. It feels like something’s missing. Like there should be five of them or something. Then he realizes. “I miss Rowan.” 

Niall frowns. “Which ex is this now? I don’t remember that name.” 

“Not an ex,” says Harry. “The robot.” He winces at having to use such a cold term for a friend.

Liam looks up from his mac and cheese. “It has a name?” 

“Just for now,” says Harry. “Until they decide on their own name.” 

“Don’t fuck the robot,” says Louis. “Please Harry, don’t try to fuck the robot.” 

“Of course not,” says Harry. “We’re not ready for that yet. Did you know the brain is the most important sexual organ? Do you know how large Rowan’s hard drive is?” 

“Harry, maybe tomorrow you should be the one to practice in the gravity simulator,” says Niall. “I can look after the robot for you.” 

“No,” says Harry, “Rowan needs me." 

* 

The day of liftoff is exciting but scary. They might find extraterrestrial life. They might make new discoveries that would allow colonization of other planets. They might die. 

Niall seems to be too busy sending final selfies to various professional athletes to fret, but when it’s time to prepare for takeoff, he takes Liam’s hand and doesn’t let go. Louis is staring at the photograph of his baby he’s got clutched in his gloves. 

Meanwhile, Harry is sitting next to Rowan. He feels suddenly jealous. Rowan is always so calm and collected. Rowan isn’t scared of never being able to hear Radio One again or having aliens harvest his hair for some perverted experiment. Then Harry hears the sound—a disorganized muffled jangling, like a windchime wrapped in fabric. He turns to Rowan to request a diagnostic, then realizes it’s Rowan who’s making the sound. Rowan’s fingers are tapping against the side of his seat, knuckles flashing blue, body vibrating all over. 

Niall realizes it a beat after he does. "Something’s wrong with the robot.” 

“Rowan,” Harry corrects him, and turns to his friend. “What’s up, pal?” 

Rowan tilts his head closer to Harry, still vibrating. 

“Oh,” says Harry, understanding suddenly. He puts his hand on top of Rowan’s shaking fingers and they go still, lights fading to a soft green. 

“I’m alerting mission control,” says Liam. 

“No, don’t!” says Harry, and threads his fingers through Rowan’s. “Rowan was just a bit frightened, that’s all.” He leans in close to his friend. Rowan’s warm fingers tighten on his. “I’ll be right here,” Harry croons as the countdown begins. “All the love. All the love.”


End file.
